if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
