You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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