I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
