OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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