Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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