Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
