what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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