Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
