So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
