U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
