; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
