Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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