I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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