And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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