Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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