Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
