Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
