Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
