I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
