I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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