well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
