if i can run in heels then i can drive
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
