quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
