i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
