foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
