Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
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