they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
