be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
