When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
