dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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