It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
me + whiskey = a bad person
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
