I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
