your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
