Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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