Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
