Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
