His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
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I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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