I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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