He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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