Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
