i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
