you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
