Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
