I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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