O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
