it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
