Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
