He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
that may or may not have been my penis.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
