the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
