i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
