why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
