bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
