so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
