One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
