then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
