i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
