I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
