Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
