SEEEEXXX PLEASE
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize