you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
