he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize