So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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