We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
