wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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