you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
