The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
