Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
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he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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