wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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