I just threw up on my dentist
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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