I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i would punch a child for taco bell
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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