can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Found the puke drawer
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
