You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he thought i was a dude.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
