I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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