ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
