I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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