I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
